Following a rigorous, non-scientific research effort, Greenpeace Canada believes that it has discovered the "Lake of Fire" that is currently a very hot topic in the Alberta election. 

The Lake of Fire appears to be a large body of liquid located just north of Fort McMurray, Alberta. Greenpeace based their conclusion on the following evidence: it never freezes over (even in an Alberta winter); it is covered in black goo that smells vaguely of sulphur; it seems to grow constantly; and it has consumed numerous species including ducks, birds, bears, deer, red fox, coyotes, as well as moose, muskrats, beavers, voles, martens, wolves, and bats. There are reports that it only consumes homosexual animals, but these are thus far unconfirmed.

“We thought that the tar sands would be an election issue because of their ecological and social impacts, and how other countries that are concerned about climate change may act to limit imports of dirty oil if Alberta fails to deal with its growing emissions,” said Hike Mudema of Greenpeace Canada. “But now that the leading candidate to become Premier of the province has informed us that global warming is a hoax, despite all the facts and science to the contrary, we know that the real issue is the Lake of Fire. The question is: what will the Wildrose Party do about it?”

Greenpeace hopes that, at a minimum, the Wildrose leader will commit to stop approving new Lakes of Fire until existing Lake of Fire can be dealt with. We were going to ask Joe Oliver, but it appears that the federal government doesn’t believe in the environment.